Another issue for my list

How strange. When I compiled my list of things that I planned to be open for and open about, every single one was a scary one. I was grinding my teeth and almost felt that I was pushing myself too much and I expected it to be difficult.

Now I read that list and I think: “So what was my problem? What were the big issues here?” I suppose it’s all a matter of perspective and attitude.

This brings me to the next issue that I need to confront. Why it is so difficult to have to admit that I needed (still need) and sought help tackling my excess weight, is a mystery. It’s not as if I can hide my weight issue. I’m short and round and it’s quite clear for everyone to see when they look at me (or at those *&%! photographs that sometimes pop up on facebook! 🙂 ).

And I don’t like talking about diets, especially with thin people. (From where I’m standing everybody else is thin).

I believe my excess kilograms is not simply a matter of bad eating habits and lack of exercise. No, bad eating habits and lack of exercise are the tools I originally used to gain the weight. And because I was not paying attention (to myself or to portion sizes or to what I was putting into my mouth – as long as it could distract me from facing that specific moment in time that I was trying to escape from). And I wanted to hide and avoid being seen/noticed. You thin people out there might not believe me, but the easiest way to hide yourself is by being fat. People don’t look you in the eye. People don’t look at you, because you’re not aesthetically pleasing, I suppose 🙂 and therefore you avoid any unwanted (or wanted) attention.

Think about it, excess weight is stored up energy. Not only the unused energy that you put into your body with food/sweets, but energy that you did not spend. And now I don’t mean physical exercise. I mean: the energy that you’re not spending because of not using your talents, not voicing your opinion, not giving of your self, holding back, acting as if you have nothing to contribute, make-believing that you have no worth. (I’m not talking about anybody else here. I only know myself…, sort of. 🙂 )

I’ve joined Weight Watchers last year (there, now I’m out of the closet about this as well…) and gosh, it is a slow journey. But then, I also did not obtain all my excess baggage overnight.

So here’s an extra point to my list:
OK, I will confess that I have a problem with my weight.

O, no wait! I’ve just done that!

Let’s stretch….
I will pay attention: am I hungry or am I trying to escape?
I will no longer hide my self. I do have a contribution to make. I do have a voice.
I will act positively in spite of negative thoughts and feelings.
Small steps continuously in the right direction.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Maria
    Jan 27, 2011 @ 12:52:23

    Het nou net vinnig gelees – sal more ordentlik lees – een ding het my oog gevang en ek moet dit net vinnig se – JY IS ESTETIES PLEASING – rerig – want ek kan nie vir lelike mense kyk nie en ek kan vir jou kyk – proof enough 🙂


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