Can you feel it? Can you FEEL it? CAN YOU FEEL IT?!

Is it only me, or does this title remind you of Jane Fonda and exercise? Anyway, the previous book I read categorised me as a punisher. My latest book categorise me as a “runner”. As in the “running away from feelings by eating” category.

Brooke Castillo has some interesting ideas in If I’m so smart, why can’t I loose weight?.

One of them is that instead of ridding your home of all cakes and sweets and stuff (and instead of never again attending a party in your life), you embrace them. Yes. Embrace. The weight-gaining food stuffs. She didn’t say it exactly like that. But I’m pretty sure that’s what she meant.

It’s like kumite (sparring in karate). Bearing in mind that the category “runner” would also apply to me in this type of situation … Here’s your opponent/training partner in your face, trying to score a point/hit you (this may be hard/soft/full out/half hearted/whatever). You’re trying to block/get out of the way and also score a point/hit back in a way similar to how hard you were hit. In that moment you can’t get away from it. You have to deal with it. And the more you stick with it, the more you trust that you’ll be able to survive even though it still is scary and even though it might hurt.

So here’s the cake and sweets in my face, trying to get me to eat them. Except that they’re not. I’ve been giving them way too much power. Castillo says in that moment when I hear them calling me, at that precise moment, I’m trying to run away from feeling something. I should rather stay in this kumite session, and engage in the “why?” and “what?” of it all.

I had some excellent opportunity to practice these past two days. My 9-year-old stayed at home to participate in a Mathletics challenge. Yip. Maths. Definitely didn’t get it from me. Kids all over the world sit in front of the computer and earn points for each correct answer. If they’re first in their class or on the list, they win something like an iPod and bragging rights: “I’m nr 86 on the list” or whatever. Why did I say it provided me with practice?

Because.

I like to work in the mornings. I do my best work then. I like to work systematically. Start at the beginning and work to the end. I work hard, then I take a break. Then I work hard again and I take a break again.

My son doesn’t do things my way.

And there’s just no way that I can impart the emotional baggage of that last sentence in a way that will do it justice. But thanks to Castillo’s feelings list, I can now verbalise how I felt (although I still had some cake): Upset, Mad, Annoyed, Frustrated, Agitated, Hot, Bewildered, Trapped, Troubled, Lost, Alone, Unsure, Puzzled, Bothered, Uncomfortable, Undecided, Perplexed.

Interesting what you can learn about yourself.

I apparently had medium-intensity feelings of an ANGRY nature sprinkled with high- and mild-intensity feelings of the CONFUSED variety. And even though I did have my cake, there was still half a cake left when hubby came back from work. There might be something to this feeling business.

So with this in mind, maybe the best mantra for me would be something like: FEEL IT! or CAN YOU FEEL IT?

I’m feeling cheerful and content right now. So according to Castillo’s feelings list I have medium-intensity feelings of the HAPPY kind. Yeah! No eating necessary! 😀

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